Picky bastards making vague claims to have OCD

FUSSY, demanding people are hinting that they have mild OCD as a means of justifying their behaviour.

Adrian Chiles becoming a badger

ADRIAN Chiles has been dropped from ITV's football coverage after admitting he is undergoing a series of operations to become a badger.

Life not worth looking up from your phone for

THE people, places, objects and locations that make up the physical world are not as fulfilling as smartphones, it has emerged.

Minimalist cigarette packets make smoking cool again

THE government's contemporary plain packaging for cigarettes has made them desirable once again.

Six-year-old writes letter calling Southern Trains money-grubbing f**ks

A SIX-YEAR-OLD girl has written a letter to a train company asking why they are such bastards.

Levi Roots launches Post-Punk Post-Punk Sauce

DRAGONS’ Den entrepreneur Levi Roots has announced a new condiment inspired by obscure early 80s experimental rock music.

Fake Sheikh ascends to Saudi throne

UNDERCOVER reporter Mazher Mahmood, posing as an Arab sheikh, has become the new ruler of Saudi Arabia.

Page 3 returns with animal nipples

THE Sun has reinstated semi-naked females on its third page, but will stick with non-human species.

Tutankhamun’s beard actually a chair leg

THE facial appendage on Tutankhamun’s burial mask is a hastily-attached chair leg, it has emerged.