Flame-throwing mutant guitarist from Mad Max turns down Trump inauguration

THE mutant guitarist from Mad Max: Fury Road has become the latest musician to reject an offer to perform at Donald Trump’s inauguration.

Men desperate to help push car

A GROUP of over 80 men is jostling to help push a broken-down car.

Woman 'only drinks champagne' because she's a nightmare when pissed

A WOMAN who acts like a sophisticated occasional drinker only does it because alcohol turns her into a raging psychopath, it has emerged.

Man thinks watching Sherlock makes him an intellectual

A MAN believes he is intellectually superior because he slavishly follows the implausible storylines of Sherlock, he has revealed.

May tells GPs to offer Thai cooking classes

THERESA May has told GP surgeries to teach a range of evening classes to avoid closure.

All fiction banned in case some moron thinks it is real

FICTION-BASED books, films and television programmes have been banned to avoid confusing idiots.

New housemate excited to reveal own personal brand of lunacy

A WOMAN who managed to act normal during a 20-minute interview for a room in a shared house cannot wait to reveal how insane she is.

Woman quietly swaps 'Veganuary' for enormous amount of cheddar

A WOMAN who would not shut up about going vegan for a month has gorged herself on cheddar like an animal.

Bus driver wrongly thanked for bus journey

A BUS driver has been wrongly thanked at the end of a bus journey, it has emerged.