Office workers advised to run away

UNHEALTHY office staff have been advised to get out of their chairs and run from their workplace, never to return.

Lloyds fires local branch staff who actually caused the financial crisis

LLOYDS Bank has disposed of 3,000 local bank workers who started the financial crisis from their roles behind counters.

Everyone worried Owen Smith will try to sell them a vacuum cleaner

BRITONS are worried that Labour leadership candidate Owen Smith might try to sell them life insurance or solar panels, they have revealed.

FA Cup to trial substituting finalists

THE FA will substitute lower-league teams who reach the FA Cup final for popular clubs like Manchester United.

Ask Holly: Since stepping down as UKIP leader I've been toying with pimping myself out

I LOVE reality TV, especially the gritty fly-on-the-wall documentary series about a young female pig called Peppa.

Stranger Things fan admits it sounds like a lot of bollocks

A WOMAN describing the Netflix series Stranger Things has admitted that it does sound shite.

Dumped man wondering if ‘too nice’ might mean something else

A RECENTLY-DUMPED man is not sure why being ‘too nice’ was such a problem.

People who buy pre-sliced fruit ‘not proper humans’

THE gap between those who buy expensive packs of pre-sliced fruit and normal people is wider than previously thought, experts have found.

UKIP steps up search for new bellend

UKIP is to accelerate its leadership election to fill the bellend void left by Nigel Farage.