All-day drinking proved to be impossible

THERE is no such thing as all-day drinking, it has emerged.

Sexting ruined by knowledge of grammar

A STEAMY texting session has been ruined by a man’s familiarity with the subjunctive.

Divorced parents left unattended

CONCERNS are growing after a divorced couple have been left alone together for the first time in over a decade.

Hard kid from down the park tops FA list

THE hard kid from the park who always gets first pick of players has been tipped to replace Sam Allardyce.

Humanity refusing to accept Nevermind came out 25 years ago

NIRVANA'S Nevermind album did not come out 25 years ago, everyone has agreed.

Trump to become England manager

DONALD Trump will be unveiled as England manager this Saturday, the FA has confirmed.

Train becomes your house when you buy a ticket, say twats

THE train is your house on rails where you can do whatever you like, according to many passengers.

'Modern London' Monopoly only has dark blue properties

A NEW edition of Monopoly has every property, from Old Kent Road to Mayfair, coloured dark blue and priced at the maximum rate.