Britons set out for historic vote on Europe before realising they’ve got the wrong day

VOTERS are heading to polling stations to decide if the nation will stay in the EU, before discovering that one is next month.

Lobsters mental

EVERYONE should take a moment to consider how mental lobsters are, according to experts.

Zac Goldsmith refusing to come out of toilet

TORY London mayoral candidate Zac Goldsmith has locked himself in a toilet with a book of Latin poetry and some truffles.

Man launches failed attempt to do something that is not the pub

A SUNSHINE-INSPIRED attempt to do a social activity not involving the pub immediately died on its arse, it has emerged.

Commuters delighted at train delays for actual reason

LONDON commuters delayed for hours by a fire on the tracks at Vauxhall are thrilled that there is a genuine reason for once.

Ask Holly: It's time to wreak vengeance and put an apocalypse into action

THERE should be more children's programmes dealing with apocalyptic themes.

Ranieri rides unicorn into sunset

CLAUDIO Ranieri has bid a fond farewell to the city of Leicester before riding into the sunset mounted on a unicorn.

Top level hipsters meet to discuss gammon

LEADING hipsters have met in a craft ale pub to discuss whether gammon should be the next food trend.

Sensible man reads Trump news then googles 'build a nuclear shelter'

A PERFECTLY rational man is planning to build a nuclear fallout shelter after reading about Donald Trump’s presidential nomination.