Woman outrages neighbours by barbecuing for herself

A MIDLANDS woman has outraged friends and neighbours by having a barbecue without any man being in attendance.

Manchester United finally appoint manager as loathsome as they are

MANCHESTER United have finally found a manager as entitled, self-important and prone to temper tantrums as the club itself.

Non-conformist nutter is pro-EU

A CONSPIRACY theorist, UFO nut and street-ranter has surprised everyone by being a fervent supporter of the In campaign.

Cat to continue sitting in window like he owns the f**king street

A CAT has announced plans to continue sitting in the front window of a house, watching over everything like Stalin in communist Russia.

North Yorkshire to be burned for fuel

NORTH Yorkshire is to be set on fire so the rest of the UK can have a hot bath.

Every member of smiling Pizza Express team considering job options

EVERY member of the dedicated team launching a new Pizza Express is looking for alternative work, it has emerged.

Cameron faces harsh performance review after missing migrant targets

THE prime minister has admitted he is not looking forward to his next performance review after missing his migrant target by a quarter of a million.

Girlfriend’s best friend stops liking status updates

A MAN is concerned that his girlfriend’s best friend has stopped liking his status updates on Facebook.

Windows was just a ‘nasty trick’ all along, says Gates

THE entire Windows operating system has been a vindictive practical joke since its inception, Bill Gates has admitted.