Train woman pulling that bag on seat shit

A PASSENGER on a busy train is acting like her bags are not on the seat next to her.

Divorced man with Union Jack mug looking around empty flat

A MAN who opened divorce proceedings against his wife yesterday is looking around his bare flat wondering why he feels no different.

I have no idea what I have just done

AS prime minister and leader of your country, I have just done something which will have consequences completely unknown to me.

Theresa May remembers that one time she answered a question

THE prime minister has taken a moment to remember the last time she gave a direct answer to a question, back in 1996.

Britain to revisit golden age of chucking shopping trolleys in rivers

THE new pound coin has forced Tesco to unlock its trolleys, most of which are expected to end up in Britain's waterways in the next few days.

Man hates environment because liberals quite like it

A MAN is opposed to protecting the environment because upsetting 'liberals' gives him a feeling of satisfaction, he has revealed.

You could have just emailed, says EU

EU LEADERS are puzzled about why Britain wrote them a letter in the age of electronic communication.

New record sees woman make it to 9.05am before hearing word 'Brexit'

A WOMAN set a new record today by not hearing anyone say ‘Brexit’ for almost two hours after waking.

Scotland wants independence too, but in a bad way

SCOTLAND wants independence in a way that is nationalistic rather than patriotic, according to the government.