Nine hundred Christians make slight change to their delusion

21-04-11

ALMOST one thousand Anglicans are to mark Easter by making a slight adaptation to their voodoo.

Pointy Welcome Hat is his favourite hat

As part of some ridiculous protest 900 members of the Church of England are shifting their delusion into the Roman Catholic column.

The move was celebrated by the Pope who wore his special Pointy Welcome Hat and banged his ceremonial tambourine.

A Vatican spokesman said: “These brave souls can look forward to nicer seats in heaven rather than some rubbish at the back with a pillar in the way.

“They will be so close to the stage they will be able to reach out and touch Jesus’s sequined trouser leg during What’s New Pussycat.”

Julian Cook, a former Anglican who would rather not have vaginas on his priests thank you very much, said: “As well as being preached to exclusively by frustrated, sexually dangerous men, I can also look forward to a much beefier communion experience.

“The Church of England says the wine and bread only symbolises the blood and body of Christ, whereas my new church has assured me that I am actually eating juicy bits of Jesus.

“It sounds absolutely delicious.”

Helen Archer, a former Church of England member who thinks she is unqualified to tell fairy stories, added: “I’ve always found Anglican guilt to be rather lacking in ‘oomph’.

“From today I can watch a Dolph Lundgren film with my pants off and then go upstairs and burn myself with a curling iron.

“Hurt me, Jesus. Hurt me like a bitch.”

 

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