Nice posh people almost extinct
BRITAIN’S last remaining posh person who does not show off and lets local kids play in her maze, was close to death last night.
While the vile cast of Made In Chelsea staggered out of Brandy Chops nightclub at 3am, Lady Emma Bradford prepared to expire with quiet dignity.
Possibly Britain’s last ever likeable posh person, Lady Bradford lives in one room of a vast, ancient house full of priceless broken things, drives a battered 1983 Yugo hatchback and is quite probably a lesbian.
Neighbour Tom Logan said: “I watered her lawn when she went into hospital for her varicose veins and she repaid me with a 20ft watercolour of her grandfather riding a greyhound on a beach.”
Local teacher Nikki Hollis said: “When we went to Bradford Hall collecting for the school gym she gave us a shop-bought ginger cake with an October 1994 Best Before date, and £68,012 in copper coins.
“I believe she once had a square-jawed female maidservant and ‘companion’ known simply as ‘Margie’. After she died Lady Emma continued to live alone but it’s rumoured that she had Margie stuffed.
“Which is both unbelievably creepy and fucking brilliant.”
Meanwhile, the National Trust faced renewed pressure to preserve nice posh people.
A spokesman said: “Sadly we have to accept that the days of Jeeves and Wooster, as well as being fictional, are gone and that posh people are now all dicks. ”