I’ve given up masturbating and I feel brilliant!


    by Nikki Hollis

    I’VE finally taken the plunge and given up masturbating – and I’ve never felt better!

    When I woke up on New Year’s Day feeling tired and washed out, I realised it was time for a new, masturbation-free me.

    No more bashing the beaver – I’ve replaced self-pollution with an addiction to CrossFit and a new appreciation for the benefits of houmous and kimchee.

    I’ve been pleasuring myself on a regular basis for over three decades now, and cynics might say it’s too late to stop frotting myself off. But the benefits have been shocking and immediate – I’ve got so much energy and my social life is better than ever because I’m not just at home tinkering with my bits.

    Now, if I think about wanking, I just have an apple instead. Of course I couldn’t do it without the support of friends and family, many of whom have also given up fiddling with their bits for New Year (even if my sister Liz fell off the ‘wank-wagon’ today!).

    I’m not trying to boast – I just want to inspire others. With determination and positivity, anyone can stop touching themselves in a sexual manner.

    I bet Beyonce wishes she could do it too.