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MONEY NOW WORTH RANDOM AMOUNTS
FEARS GROW OVER VAMPIRE POLICEMEN
FAT PEOPLE TO BE SQUEEZED INTO CAMPS
WORKING IMMIGRANTS BRANDED LAZY BY DAILY MAIL
FACEBOOK PRISONER GOES ON VIRTUAL MURDER SPREE
POLICE 'NOT LETTING YOU HAVE A GO OF THEIR TASERS'
CHARLES GETS MORE TALKING SHIT MONEY
I'LL LEAVE BRITAIN FOR A MILLION POUNDS, SAYS EVERYONE
HUGE EXPANSION IN RAIL-BASED MISERY
TORTURE COPS 'ARE JUST MAVERICKS WHO DON'T PLAY BY THE BOOK'
TEENAGE YOBS CARRYING FLICK-TODDLERS
SUSAN BOYLE GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN, SAYS COWELL
NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST COULD KNOCK 30% OFF HOUSE PRICES
EMPTY TRAINS MUCH MORE EFFICIENT, SAYS NETWORK RAIL
LOGIC ABUSE RIFE IN CATHOLIC SCHOOLS
NOT IF YOU PAID US, SAY GURKHAS
ARE BRITAIN'S 12 YEAR-OLDS FIRING BLANKS?
GROW A PAIR, MEN ADVISED
LARGE BREASTED WOMEN GET IT ALL THEIR OWN WAY AGAIN
GOVERNMENT'S 'BANNED LIST' MAKES EVERYTHING ALL BETTER
GOVERNMENT TO MONITOR ONE TRILLION COCK PILL EMAILS
SMITH CRACKS DOWN ON COUNCIL SPIES BEFORE THEY CATCH HER DOING SOMETHING DODGY
OFFICIAL: YOUR LIFE IS WORTHLESS
POLICE TO TARGET THE HIPPIES WITH VIDEO CAMERAS
ALL ADVERTS MUST BE FILLED WITH LIES, SAYS WATCHDOG
TEACHERS CAN GET 10% PAY RISE WHEN CHILDREN ARE 10% LESS STUPID AND AWFUL, SAYS EVERYONE
JESUS WOULD HAVE HAD AN ISA, CLAIMS ARCHBISHOP
POLICE BLUNDER REVEALS SECRET PLAN TO BEAT YOU SENSELESS
LAH-DI-DAH PUBLIC SCHOOLBOYS NOT SO FANCY ALL OF A SUDDEN
PRIMARY SCHOOLS TO ADMIT CHICKENS
I TAKE MY COFFEE BLACK - LIKE MY WOMEN, SAYS QUEEN
AN EXCELLENT DAY ALL ROUND, SAY MEDIA, POLICE AND ANARCHISTS
WHAT'S A PHYSICS? ASK GCSE PUPILS
ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY TALKS HIMSELF OUT OF A JOB
IS OFCOM RUN BY POOFTERS?
INFLATION BASKET TO INCLUDE ‘GRAND DESIGNS’
WOMEN SAD ABOUT SOMETHING, SAY MEN
EVIL PURPOSE OF GOOGLE STREET VIEW REMAINS UNCLEAR
‘MY SON PUSHED HIS WILLY BETWEEN HIS LEGS AND PRETENDED TO BE A GIRL’
BACK TO BASICS AT CRUFTS AS BEST IN SHOW GOES TO DEFORMED RAT
WHY ARE ALL THE PUBS CLOSING? ASK PEOPLE WHO NEVER GO TO THE PUB
FACEBOOK GIVES YOU SHORT ATTENTION SPAN, SAYS... OOH WHAT’S THAT?
GAIL TRIMBLE TO BE BURNT AS A WITCH
POLICE LOOKING FORWARD TO ‘SUMMER OF TRUNCHEONS’
SATAN MAKES ROOM FOR PARENTS WHO COMPLAINED ABOUT DISABLED TV PRESENTER
SUNNY DELIGHT LOSES TASTE TEST TO INDIAN COW PISS DRINK
VOODOO PARENTS OBJECT TO JUJU ASSEMBLIES
BRITAIN URGED TO FIND NEW RESERVES OF SPUNK
MORE COLDPLAY, WARNS OFSTED
AL JOLSON TO BE EXHUMED AND SLAPPED ABOUT A BIT
 
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