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CHILDREN OUTNUMBERED BY DAILY MAIL READING FUCKNUTS
EVIL MASTERMIND OFFERS MILLIONS FOR HOME OFFICE MEMORY STICK
BRITAIN SHIT AGAIN
TYNESIDE COUNCIL OPENS £5M COCK PARK
NEW DICTIONARY REFLECTS BRITAIN’S LOVE AFFAIR WITH SEXUAL DEVIANCY
NORTH GHASTLY
INVISIBILITY CLOAK PROMISES NEW ERA IN FROTTAGE
GOVERNMENT ORDERS EVERYONE TO MOVE HOUSE
WHY AM I NOT IMPRESSED BY THESE NAKED LADIES? ASKS TOP TORY
TEACHER AD BANNED FOR CLAIMING THERE WOULD BE BANTER
BRITAIN LOOKS TO NEXT GENERATION OF INSURANCE FRAUDSTERS
WIDOWER LEAVES FORTUNE TO PERT, YOUNG WATERMELON
UNEMPLOYED TO BE USED FOR SOUP
GOVERNMENT RELEASES DANISH CRIME FIGURES
FAT GUY MADE EXCELLENT FIREDOOR, SAY COLLEAGUES
BROWN TO FLOOD STREETS WITH 100,000 CRAZED THUGS
KNIFE CARRIERS TO BE SHOWN ROUND SPOON FACTORIES
LIVERPOOL CELEBRATES DAY BEATLES PISSED OFF TO SURREY
TEENAGE GIRL 'OBVIOUSLY HAVING AFFAIR WITH BAT'
'NAZI TODDLERS RUINED MY BIRTHDAY'
SHAKESPEARE STUDY TO TEACH KIDS NEW WORDS FOR COCK
WOMEN BISHOPS TO FILL CATHEDRALS WITH KNICK-KNACKS AND POT POURRI
CHURCHES URGED TO BAN NOISY LITTLE SHITS
BLOOD-SOAKED REVOLUTION TO START AT NOON
BRITISH KIDS USE RUBIK’S CUBE AS DEADLY WEAPON
THIS COUNTRY'S IN A RIGHT BLOODY MESS, SAYS CHERIE
WOMEN STILL FACE DISCRIMINATION, SAYS JUMPED-UP COW
BACK TO THE BROTHEL FOR PRIMARK T-SHIRT KIDS
DOG OWNERS FORCED TO WEAR BROWN STAR
MILLIONS SAVE MONEY WITH CARLSBERG DRAUGHTMASTER™
CRIME IS JUST AWFUL, SAYS GOVERNMENT
GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT WOMEN BOTH LIKE COCK, SAYS STUDY
DRIVERS URGED TO PANIC
MOST BRITISH CHILDREN NOW DEMONS
BRITAIN NOW ENTERTAINED BY ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING
'EMO' KIDS URGED TO TAKE UP SWINGBALL
UNDIAGNOSED DEMENTIA LEADS TO DAILY MAIL, SAY EXPERTS
WINEHOUSE JOINS RANKS OF GREAT LITERARY DRUG ADDICTS
PUNTERS PAY THOUSANDS TO THROW BISHOP FROM A PLANE
GOVERNMENT TO EXAMINE EVERYONE’S STOOLS
WE JUST WANT CLOSURE, SAYS FAMILY OF MURDERED COCONUT
GIRLY CRIME UP BY 50%
GOVERNMENT TO GIVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S HOUSE TO JUNKIES
SEX AND THE CITY 'TOTALLY EMPOWERING', SAYS MANKY SLAPPER
ROBBIE ORDERS BRITAIN: STRIP DOWN TO YOUR UNDIES
GOVERNMENT TO RECLASSIFY VERY STRONG TEA
JOHNSON BANS SCOTSMEN FROM THE TUBE
FAT GUYS TOLD TO PUT THEIR TITS AWAY
EVERYONE NOW HAS GREAT HAIR
OFFICE WORKERS TOLD TO STOP SHITTING ON EACH OTHER’S KEYBOARDS
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TOP 10 THIS MONTH
WEST APPLAUDS CHINA'S TREATMENT OF UGLY CHILD
BRITAIN SHIT AGAIN
NORTH GHASTLY
BRITISH CHILDREN TOO UGLY, SAYS GLITTER
GOVERNMENT ORDERS EVERYONE TO MOVE HOUSE
RUSSIA EVIL AFTER ALL
ESTATE AGENTS CELEBRATE RETURN OF SCRABULOUS
CENTRICA LOVING IT
SARKOZY GETTING IT TONIGHT
PARENTS TO BE SENT DRAWING OF FAT CHILD
TOP 10 EVER
PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO F*CKING PARK ON BRINK OF EXTINCTION
FRENCH TRADER WAS FORCED TO WORK 30 HOURS A WEEK
'LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS F*CKING RAT' SAY ZOOLOGISTS
BRA RESEARCH MUST GO ON, VOWS SCIENTIST
SCOTLAND DIES LAUGHING
GOVERNMENT TO TACKLE BINGE-W*NKING
CANNABIS NOW WORSE THAN THE NAZIS
LEAVE BACON OUT OF IT, HEALTH EXPERTS WARNED
I'LL BE JUST FINE, SAYS PLANET
LIVING IN A BIG GLASS TUBE CAN ADD 40 YEARS TO YOUR LIFE, SAY EXPERTS
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