Family pet did not sign up for this ‘guard dog’ shit

A LABRADOR was shocked to discover he is expected to be a professional security guard as well as a lovable family pet.

Friendly dog Bobby became alarmed after hearing his owners clearly state that as well as being ‘great for the kids’ he would ‘tackle any intruders’.

Bobby said: “I was like, ‘whoa, let’s rewind that’. I thought my job was to chase balls and get fussed over. No one said anything about going toe-to-toe with hardened criminals.

“This definitely wasn’t mentioned when they chose me at the kennels and I’ve not even been issued with basic equipment like a torch and a radio.

“I’ve had no unarmed combat training and a burglar could be a young, fit guy with a history of violence. He might have a knife, or at least a screwdriver. Christ, I feel a bit sick now.”

Bobby added: “I tried to explain I needed some form of personal protection, ideally a taser, but they didn’t understand and just gave me a chew that promotes dental health.

“If someone breaks in I’ll hide in a bedroom and try to dial 999 with my nose. That’s not being a coward, it’s just following police advice. You can replace a Macbook, but you can’t replace a dog.”

Bobby’s owners later discussed the very low risk of crime in their area, but he was in the utility room having nightmares about a wiry, tattooed man with a working class accent.