Thursday, 22nd April 2021

Look at the size of this f**king bee, say scientists

AN absolutely massive bee has been found in a remote region of Indonesia by a team of totally freaked-out entomologists.

The scientists, from the Institute for Studies, spotted the ‘utterly mental thing’ during a five-day trek through a jungle.

Expedition leader Professor Wayne Hayes said: “I was filling my water bottle when I saw this huge fucking thing and I shouted to my mate Dave, I said, ‘Dave, look at the size of that fucker!’ and Dave was like, ‘Jesus Christ, it’s a fucking monster!'.

“I shouted over to Stevie and Ben, I said, ‘get a look at this bastard’ and they’re like ‘no way man, that’s mental’ – they were totally freaking out.”

Professor Hayes added: “Ben was like, ‘that’s a bee, it’s totally a bee’ and I was going, ‘naah, it’s some kind of freaky seagull or a weird-looking, fucked-up bat.'”

Dr David Hobbs added: “Wayne said I should try and catch it, and I was like, ‘you fucking catch it’.

“So anyway, we tell Stevie that it’s his turn to catch something and he’s totally pissed off, but he tears after it anyway, shouting, ‘come here you dirty big bastard, I want to put you in a bottle’.”

Dr Steven McKay added: “We also found this manky little thing with huge fucking claws. Apparently it’s a beetle.

“Dave tried to give it a Monster Munch, but it wasn’t interested.”