Ask Holly: I’m worried Michael Gove has a concealed weapon

Dear Holly,

Everyone’s saying that the most likely outcome of the vote today will be a hung parliament, and that David Cameron will probably do loads of dirty tricks to keep me out. Harriet reckons I’m going to have to challenge David and his crew to fisticuffs in the street if he won’t budge, which is all very worrying because what about when nasty old Ed Balls starts raining down punches? And knowing Michael Gove he’ll have some sort of concealed weapon about his person. Douglas Alexander and me are totally shitting it.

Ed

Westminster

Dear Ed,

OMG YAWN! I can’t think of anything more BORING than a general election, except the Olympics perhaps, and at least that has a decent theme tune. The only good thing about all this endless discussion about policies and issues and the NHS, whatever that is, is that school is closed today for polling and I get to go to my granny’s house and watch Labyrinth and eat beef Monster Munch. Tomorrow the only novelty will be a slightly different set of annoying grown-ups in suits making the same pointless rules, shouting the same meaningless nonsense on the telly and the mums can finally all get back to talking about Strictly.

Hope that helps,

Holly