Ask Holly: Keith Richards has been slagging us off

Dear Holly,

That Keith Richards has been going round saying Sgt Pepper was a load of shite. What a bloody cheek. Next he’ll be claiming that Magical Mystery Tour wasn’t a work of cinematic genius. I need to come up with a scathing retort, but the best Ringo has come up with so far is ‘come ‘ed, you old junkie cockwomble’. Obviously Ringo is a working class simpleton at heart and can’t be relied upon for any sort of articulate response. Any suggestions?


Mull of Kintyre

Dear Paul,

Why does everyone make such a big fuss about the 1960s? For starters, everyone back then was a heavy minger. They’ve all got boss-eyes and thick black spectacles, and buck teeth and no-one is being ironic or hipster about it. No one back then had ever even heard of a spray tan, probably because tans had been heavily rationed in the war. Everyone’s clothes look like they were made of curtains by someone called Fraulein Maria because Primark hadn’t even been invented and their music is a total rip-off of Oasis and Mark Ronson. It’s embarrassing really.

Hope that helps!