Dear Holly, I find myself at rather a loose end...

Dear Holly,
Suddenly, I find myself at rather a loose end. Any suggestions for filling the time?
Yours,
Sir John Chilcot
London

Dear John,
The summer holidays really are drag after a while, aren’t they? The best idea is to go around telling every adult in the house in a really loud voice that you are bored at least once every five minutes until everyone has lost the will to live and then they are guaranteed to let you play on the iPad for the ENTIRE day as long as you promise not to tell anyone, including Jessica’s mum, because her children only play with wooden toys.
Hope that helps,
Holly

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London-bound man excited about spending £4 on a cup of tea

A MAN moving to London cannot wait to drop the best part of a fiver on a cup of tea.

Tom Booker, from Shrewsbury, told friends that while he was excited to take the next step in his accountancy career, he was even more excited about pursuing his passion of paying far too much money for basic conveniences.

Booker said: “Maybe I’ll get a cheese and pickle sandwich at the same time to round it up to a tenner.

“I’ve made a list of things to do in my first week, like pay £7 for a pint, £80 for a theatre ticket, and £30 for a 12-minute taxi ride. I wonder how much a haircut will cost? I’d better take a fifty with me just in case.

“But most of all I’m looking forward to posting endlessly on social media about how great this city is, just for the benefit of my friends back home.”

When told he would have to spend two thirds of his monthly salary to share a three-bedroom flat in Shepherds Bush, he said: “That is completely ridiculous. Fuck that, and fuck London.”