I've recently had some unplanned leave and I'm dreading going back

Dear Holly,

I’ve recently had to take some unplanned leave from work, but now I have to go back and I’ve realised I’m dreading it. I’ve become quite fond of my new routine where I rise at 2pm to spend the afternoon watching Food Network in my dressing gown. Things tick by nicely when you’re not in the rat race. How can I get out of work altogether? 

Barack Obama

Washington D.C.

Dear Barack,

Everyone in my class is desperate for the teachers’ strike to go ahead so we all get some free holidays too. But I don’t think teachers are as hard done by as they make out. If they’re not in the staff room drinking coffee, they are sitting at the front of the class watching us kids do all the work. They’re always standing about asking endless, pointless questions, which suggests to me that they’re under-qualified. Some of them are unbelievably dense, for example in maths Mrs Parsley was asking us all about train arrival and departure times and we were all thinking, for God’s sake just get the British Rail App and stop bothering us. If that woman would just invest in a calculator we could all get on with something more constructive.

Hope that helps!


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Man able to crowbar his salary into any conversation

46-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan can turn any conversation around to how much he earns.

Logan, who earns £60,000 doing something with computers, demonstrated his remarkable gift during a recent dinner party.

As the other guests were discussing cheese, Logan chipped in: “This cheddar is fruity and rich. I suppose I’m relatively rich too. I mean £60K plus excellent benefits isn’t a fortune but it’s a fair old whack.”

Logan’s friend Stephen Malley said: “I mentioned fixing a bracket on the wall for my television. He paused for a moment, then replied, ‘In terms of brackets, I’m in the top 5% of UK earners’.”

Malley added: “I genuinely hope he gets made redundant.”

However Logan denied being obsessed with cash: “I don’t do my job for the money, I do it because I find it interesting. But if they pay me well, like somewhere in the region of £60,509 per annum, I’m not going to complain.”

He added that it was his 46th birthday next week: “Which is funny really, because 46 plus 14 is 60, which is how much I earn every year in thousands of pounds.

“That equals a healthy disposable income.”