Your dad angrily refuses to watch Stephen Fry documentary

YOUR dad has responded with disgruntlement to Stephen Fry’s TV series about global attitudes to homosexuality.

Dad consulted the Radio Times during the opening credits of Out There and immediately demanded a change of channel.

He said: “I’m not bloody watching that.”

Dad then began searching for the remote control in an exaggeratedly cross manner.

Your dad stressed that he had nothing against gays, in fact there’s one at his work who’s very pleasant, he just didn’t want them rammed down his throat.

However after other family members had left the room he watched the last fifteen minutes of the programme, without further comment.

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England wins World Cup

ENGLAND have basically won the World Cup.

Fans and pundits say a 2-0 victory against Poland is essentially the same as winning the World Cup and beating all the other teams is now just a formality.

TV football pundit Bill McKay said: “Beating Poland shows England can succeed at the highest level of international football, so we’ve won the World Cup. That’s just common sense.

“There isn’t much point in holding the rest of the matches in Brazil in 2014 because FIFA are probably planning to give us the trophy as soon as they’ve put our name on and given it a polish.

“To be honest, I had my doubts about whether England would ever win the World Cup again. Imagine how stupid I feel now!”

England supporter Stephen Malley said: “When we won on Tuesday it was literally the best day in the history of the world since 1966. It definitely pisses on my wedding day or the birth of my children.

“Me and my mates got a load of cans and partied all night with the Lightning Seeds at full volume, until someone threw a petrol bomb through the window.”

Today England manager Roy Hodgson arrived at FIFA headquarters in Zurich to collect the trophy, but was told that a legal technicality required England to take part in, and win, the actual tournament.

Hodgson said: “I’m hoping this can be resolved quickly, because we need the trophy for the victory parade on Saturday. Otherwise we’ll have to make our own with a tennis ball glued to a Pringles tube.”