Parenting blogger's baby actually a football

AN online parenting expert’s baby was actually a football, it has emerged.

Nikki Hollis, creator of award-winning blog has been was spotted kicking her ‘baby’ home from a meeting of a grassroots mothers’ group.

New mother Francesca Johnson said: “Everyone wants to be part of the parent blogging community, as they have the best parties and you get so much free stuff.

“But they can be quite unwelcoming if you don’t actually have a kid. So she bought a football and wrapped it in a blanket.

She added: “Frank I once bought a baby car seat and kept a carton of long life orange juice on it, and blogged about its adventures.

“I kept it up for a while, but eventually Fiat offered me a sponsorship deal and it got to the point where I had to have a proper baby, otherwise I was going to court.”

Mother and blog fan Donna Sheridan said: “I’m shocked, but really, the signs were all there.

“For example, her advice for dealing with a baby that wouldn’t stop crying included lacing your breast milk with Co-codamol.”

Father-of-two Stephen Malley said: “We’ve made an icon out of someone who isn’t even fit to be an au pair.

“Mind you, as far as I could tell, that football wanted for nothing. It was never without a home-made organic smoothie, and she took it to Build-a-Bear at least twice a week.”


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Lidl launches £12.99 tablet

BUDGET supermarket Lidl has unveiled a tablet computer costing under thirteen pounds.

The tablet, called the LiPad, has dispensed with an expensive touchscreen interface in favour of knobs which control the horizontal and vertical axis of a moveable cursor.

Users can draw their own entertainment on the screen, which uses magnetic aluminium technology.

A Lidl spokesman said: “The kids want a tablet, Granny wants a tablet, but we all know it’ll be gathering dust in a cupboard in a month.

“With the LiPad you can still enjoy movies, games and surfing the web while exercising your imagination and creativity.

“For example, instead of boring old watching Die Hard 4, now you can create it yourself, frame-by-frame, then shake it away when you get bored.”

Eight-year-old Tom Booker said: “I played with it for about 20 minutes, got bored, smashed it over my younger brother’s head and broke the screen.

“Which is exactly what I would’ve done with an iPad Mini.”