Are you quirky or just annoying?

ARE special and eccentric or just an annoying idiot? Take our test to find out.

Are you…

1. Your partner asks you where the money from their wallet has gone. How do you reply?

A) I took it.

B) A magic hippo called Clive took it.

2. You see a large puddle on the pavement. Do you:

A) Step around it, feeling vaguely annoyed by the shit weather.

B) Shout ‘splashy play!!’ and jump into it with both feet, soaking everyone around you.

3. A programme about zoo animals being treated by a vet is on television. Do you:

A) Change the channel to something with tits in it.

B) Cry for three hours then buy a Capuchin monkey off the internet.

4. Do you think fairies are:

A) Bollocks.

B) Beautiful!!

Mostly As – You are a standard issue bastard.

Mostly Bs – You are a selfish bastard hiding massive character flaws behind a contrived web of magic and whimsy. If you think fairies are real, what about imps? Go on, what about imps?

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'Yeah I think so' apparently incorrect response to 'Do you love me?'

A RELAXED attitude to whether you love people is unacceptable, boyfriends have discovered.

Partners across the UK are demanding ludicrously cut-and-dried answers to ‘Do you love me?’ when it is clearly an open-ended question.

Boyfriend Tom Logan said: “When I told my girlfriend Nikki I thought I loved her she went all psycho. You don’t expect that from someone you love quite a bit.

“Bu there are so many variables, like whether being with them makes you feel joyful and alive, or if you might meet someone better. Also my amount of love changes depending on how tired I am and when I last ate.

“If you think you love someone that’s pretty good. Nikki’s already miles ahead of my last girlfriend, who I definitely didn’t love but enjoyed having sex with, and I’ve told her that to make her feel special.”

Girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “There is only one correct response to that question and it’s also the answer to ‘Do you want to see the film that hasn’t got superheroes in it?’.”