Friday, 6th December 2019

How important are you at work?

WITH so many people milling about your workplace, it’s sometimes hard to tell if you are senior or just a hapless minion. Let's find out...

You are currently sitting: A) In the highly democratic, open plan office space. B) In the highly democratic, open plan office space, but the unspoken ‘special bit’ near where the CEO sits.

You contribute: A) An absolute sh*tload. B) Nothing, unless you count asking for things to be re-done in a slightly different format like a moron with too much free time.

If you tell someone they’re fired, they: A) Snort and say ‘P*ss off, you tw*t’. B) Burst into tears and invite people for an emergency conference at the pub

Have you ever had gardening leave? A) I f*cking wish B) Getting paid to not work is totally normal and totally fair on the people left to do the actual work. What do you think funded my holiday home?

Do you have your own assistant? A) No. I did once ask Chloe to help me book a room but she gave me a Chinese burn. B) Now you come to mention it, someone does bring me these nice green smoothies, and it’s not my wife.

Mostly As: You’re a minion, and not a fun, yellow one from those nature documentaries. Never mind, you get to be free from the stresses and strains of – oh, hold on, sorry, that’s a lot of f*cking boll*cks.

Mostly Bs: You are senior. Burnout is sometimes a risk at this stage, but not in your case, as you would have to work out what the f*ck is actually going on.