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Liverpool defeat all part of plan, says Rodgers

BRENDAN Rodgers has confirmed that getting beaten by Oldham was exactly what he had intended.

Speaking from behind his steepled fingers and sat next to an enormous globe, the Liverpool manager confirmed that all the pieces on the chessboard inside his brain are moving into place.

Rodgers said: “Every shanked pass, every dropped cross, they’re all cogs in a plan far too complex to explain in your clumsy earth tongue.

“Progression to the fourth round would have shattered my exquisitely delicate scheme like Sebastian Coates jumping onto an egg made of spun sugar. Wheels within wheels, my friend. Wheels within wheels.”

Since Rodgers’ appointment players have been banned from any references to ‘playing football’ and instead must describe it as ‘The Process’.

‘The Process’ goes beyond standard training and tactics to include counting blades of grass and learning how to install geothermal heating systems.

The players were also instructed to travel to Sierra Leone and hand over a secret package to ‘The Turk’.

Rodgers added: “The eagle cannot consider the fears of the rabbit.”