Mum buys sequinned outfit to wear to living room

A RETIRED mum has bought a brand-new shiny outfit for the grand occasion of sitting in her own living room.

Susan Traherne, 62, spent a number of weeks before Christmas finding the perfect top to wow her immediate family members with. 

Traherne’s daughter Clare said: “She buys a new, nearly identical Christmas outfit every year. Never wears it anywhere else. 

“It’s lovely that she wants to make it special, but to be brutally honest it’s no different to any other visit, except we give them some Celebrations and a pair of gardening gloves.

“Last time she asked me if I ran out of time to buy something to wear myself. Sorry, Mum, but I’m not sure it’s really worth buying a little Prada number for a cup of tea and a Mr Kipling slice.

“I wouldn’t mind but she always takes it off by 8pm to ‘get in her comfies’. I’m just slightly baffled by the whole thing.”

Susan Traherne said: “I’ll definitely be going to the January sales. I need something different for when we stay in on New Year’s Eve.”

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We will transport you to your family or a family of equivalent value, promises Network Rail

NETWORK Rail has promised all rail passengers they will be taken to their family, or a family of equivalent value, before Christmas Eve.

Following long delays at Euston last night and further delays expected today, the rail company has reassured customers they will spend Christmas with family and friends of someone.

A spokesperson said: “By the evening of December 24th we guarantee every traveller will be nestled in the bosom of a warm and loving family. Terms and conditions apply.

“To wit, it may not be a family you have previously encountered. The family may be in an area of the UK that you are unfamiliar with. Actual warmth of family is dependent on local circumstances.

“A cursory look around the concourse of the station you’re currently stranded at reveals you’re all the same, heading home for Christmas with presents under your arms. Why should we treat you differently?

“We’re prioritising efficiency above sentiment and make no apologies for that. How else are we to keep fares low?”

Joanna Kramer of Keele said: “Instead of our Leanne we’ve got a doctor with lovely manners and an armful of fancy gifts. It’s a significant upgrade.”