Aren't Tories horrid, Cable tells unions

Business secretary warns GMB ‘not to fuck with these bastards’.


Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Cuts attacked by people who think they are a bad idea

THE debate over government cutbacks took a dramatic turn last night
after they were attacked by some people who have never liked them.

In a letter to a newspaper that does not like the cuts, a group of experts in not liking cuts urged the chancellor George Osborne to agree with them for a change.

David Blanchflower, former member of the Bank of England monetary policy committee and Ed Balls’ favourite chiropractor, said: “The recent survey which showed that medium-sized catering managers are lacking in self-esteem proves that Britain is finished.

“Much as I predicted in my latest book, Why Won’t Anyone Listen to Me Except Ed Balls?

But in a clear signal that the government is about to explode, the cuts were immediately defended by people who have always thought they were a really good idea.

Mr Osborne said: “The cuts are obviously brilliant, even though no-one really knows why. But I think that’s what makes them so special.”

The people who signed the letter stressed it was a very important letter because they were not just people who did not like the cuts, they were economists.

Blanchflower added: “We feel it would help raise the level of debate if you could pretend that this time we have got it absolutely right.”

But their plea was rejected by people who read articles instead of headlines.

Helen Archer, who usually gets all the way to the end and then has a thought, said: “People seem to have this idea that economists are motivated by facts and evidence instead of raw political prejudice. It’s very queer.”

She added: “They’re not scientists. They’re not even astrologers.

“They are like a drunk priest trying to explain the immaculate conception with a broken Etch-a-Sketch.”