Miliband wins right to put his own turds in a bucket

 

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

Aquarium transfer round-up

WITH the new aquarium season just two weeks away, there has been a
flurry of transfer activity at the UK’s top marine-based attractions.

Catalan Barracuda Raoul may be doing his swimming in Tenby next season. The Welsh aquarium is frontrunner to sign the elongated libero from Weymouth before Saturday and hope to seal the deal by doubling his clown fish. Two lobsters are expected to go the other way.

West Beach Oceanarium has dropped out of the race to land Wazza the Sea Turtle after being unable to meet the demands of his fragile ecosystem. The Dorset outfit had hoped to trigger a release clause in the reptile’s 84-year contract with Santos.

Unsettled Atlantic salmon Leonardo has been given permission to speak to Deep Sea World in Fife after handing in a transfer request at Portsmouth Aquarium by leaping out of his tank. The move would suit the 12lb migratory seal favourite, who is keen to be nearer his Dundee-based girlfriend.

Cuttlefish play-maker Wes Metzger is set for a shock return to Hamburg Aquarium. The club has been in the market for a creative celaphod since the death of Paul, the Psychic Octopus earlier this year.  

An entire shoal of Angel Fish has passed its medical ahead of a move to the Weston Super Mare Sea-Quarium for an undisclosed fee. The centre will finance the deal by loaning a shark to someone.

Baltic Sprat Andy Palmer is set to be released by Blackpool
this week after seven injury-plagued years. The veteran herring-like
fish is set for a move across the Pennines to Skegness Seal Sanctuary
where he will take on a coaching role.

And controversial seahorse Diego looks set to leave the blue half of Liverpool, with the Ellesmere Port outfit Blue Ocean World keen to offload him to Fenerbache Squid-Mania.

The monogamous pipe fish was in the headlines for all the wrong reasons last month after he was photographed emerging from a coral reef with his brother’s wife, carrying her eggs in his brood pouch.