Man naively thinks six bottles of wine enough for baby boomer grandparents

A MAN is fooling himself into believing a case of wine is enough to satisfy the thirst of two baby boomer grandparents visiting this weekend.  

Martin Bishop, 44, is confident his parents will not consume more than a bottle and a half of wine each a day, even though their retirement appears to be a non-stop, booze-fuelled party. 

Grandparent Jane Bishop said: “Last time we visited it was a real dry old do, three bottles of wine for the entire weekend. And he had the nerve to offer me a herbal tea.

“There was no breakfast Buck’s Fizz, no lunchtime wine, no afternoon G&T and no port after dinner. I thought it was a social visit, not a meditation retreat.

“When we get together with our retired friends a Wednesday night dinner party is like a Bacchanalian orgy. You’d think the younger generation would be doing the same.

“But then I suppose they have to get up for work and they can’t afford fine wines every night because of their crippling mortgages we didn’t have to pay.” 

Bishop added: “Who am I kidding? A case isn’t going to be enough. They’re like machines that run on Merlot, gin and Shania Twain. I’ll do a run to Aldi now.”

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Woman who brings cake into office expects you to like her

A WOMAN who keeps bringing cakes to her office appears to be ruthlessly forcing colleagues to like her. 

Carolyn Ryan started bringing a variety of bought and homemade cakes without being asked, trapping co-workers in a weird cake-based semi-friendship.

Colleague Donna Sheridan said: “Carolyn thinks she can come over and start a conversation at any time. You can’t say anything because she’s always carrying her cake box. 

“I wouldn’t mind, but she doesn’t seem to have much personality beyond her obsession with cakes. And frankly I suspect she’s just trying to ingratiate herself with everyone. 

“The lemon drizzle cake was lovely, but now I have to invite her to the pub.”

Ryan said: “I’ve started tracking people’s birthdays and favourite cakes, so I can pop up just at the right time with the perfect one. 

“My mother says it’s like stalking, but with cakes – but then she also said I would never have any friends so I’ve damn well proved her wrong.”