Once-a-year drinkers to be mentored by seasoned piss artists

CHRISTMAS drinkers struggling to handle their alcohol intake are to be mentored by proper booze hounds.

The scheme will bring together normally abstemious workers peer-pressured into tequila slammers at the work party with regular afternoon drinkers who will guide them through the rough patches.

Mentor Tom Logan said: “We see some terrible sights at this time of year. Grown men asleep at 2.15pm after a single pint. The sales executive weeping after dropping her phone down the toilet. There’s no need for it.

“We begin in September, building up vulnerable drinkers’ tolerance with a handful of reckless midweek sessions that can cause moderate career damage.

“Then it’s all about the main event from mid December until that final afternoon-into-evening piss-up.”

Mary Fisher, from East Grinstead, said: “I get a bit giggly when I have a Bailey’s so they’ve teamed me up with Steve who drinks three pints at lunchtime. He always looks a bit glazed over. It’s nice.”

Fisher added: “When I say ‘giggly’ I mean ‘completely demented’.”