Britain advances to phase two of being absolutely shafted

THE UK has achieved a significant breakthrough in the process of being done hard by the EU, and can now move to being properly shafted. 

After months of talks, Theresa May has finally agreed that Britain will bend over and take everything the EU told it to back in June, and is ready and waiting for the real pain to begin.

European Commission Jean-Claude Juncker said: “We wanted you not only to take your punishment, but to look happy about it and beg for more. Which is what we have achieved.

“Now we can move on to the trade talks in which you will find out in excruciating detail exactly how you are being fucked, for how long, and the specific areas that will hurt the most.

“Think of me as like the man in your English books, Christian Grey. Except without the kindness.”