A GROUP of Prosecco drinkers and a group of Frosty Jack drinkers have deeply resented each others’ presence in a public park.
The drinkers, despite having no other plan for the day but to get hammered outside, are each convinced of their own superiority.
PR consultant Francesca Johnson said: “Look at them, with their dogs and their smelly clothes and their plastic bottles of cider.
“We’re just trying to have a lovely time, which is why we brought a small hamper of food and 12 litres of Prosecco between six of us.”
Meanwhile, Frosty Jack devotee Stephen Malley said: “Look at them, with their blanket and their Bluetooth speaker and their Serrano ham.
“We’re just trying to enjoy a few Jacks with the lads in our usual spot and these ponces swan in with their bottles of fizzy piss.”
By early evening, after drinking a combined 387 units of alcohol, both groups had concluded separately that Britain is in terminal decline and Feel it Still by Portugal. The Man was the song of the summer.