Restaurant serving deconstructed burger asked to reconstruct it

A DINER has demanded a restaurant ‘do the right thing’ and put his ironic, deconstructed burger back together again. 

The restaurant in Brighton served Stephen Malley its unique and witty take on an American classic with real aged Texan beef only for him to call the waiter back and request the kitchen ‘finish the job’.

He said: “You see these two beef patties? And these toasted sesame buns that you’ve served on the side? Arrange them into a cylinder for me.

“If we just leave the salad there on the other side of this vintage oar you’ve served it on, I won’t eat it, will I? So pop it in what we’re going to call ‘the burger’.

“And the cheese. There we go. Was that so hard? If I want to construct my own food I’ll construct beans on toast at home.”

Head chef Tom Booker said: “Yeah. I don’t think he got it.”

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Everything man does is against his better judgement

A MAN has realised that literally every action he takes is against his own better judgement.

Tom Logan, from Bedford, confirmed that he has not made a decision he internally judged to be the right one since 2009, blaming peer pressure and booze.

He continued: “My car broke down, and I found myself thinking that I’d known buying it was a bad idea at the time, but overruled my own perfectly sensible doubts.

“Then I realised I’d similarly ignored my own verdicts on my job, girlfriend, buying a flat and even which shoes to purchase. These don’t fit. I knew they didn’t but the woman in the shop said they’d flex with wear.

“I wonder what’ll happen if I start listening to my own wisdom? Might I have to go to fewer festivals? What other positives will come?

“Then again, on reflection, if I start acting according to my own better judgement I’ll look a right twat for voting Tory and Brexit. Probably easier to keep on being wrong.”