Grown man has irrational fear of kids doing wheelies

A MIDDLE-AGED man feels illogically threatened by 13-year-olds larking about on BMXs as if they might do something terrible to him.

Roy Hobbs, 45, is no wimp and has never been challenged by the local youngsters, but nonetheless is weirdly afraid of them, especially when they do wheelies.

Hobbs said: “It’s ridiculous. I know they’re not going to circle round me laughing and jeering, then move in for the kill and pummel me to death with their bikes.

“It’s probably because when I was 11 I felt threatened by 13-year-olds, so 30 years later I’ve still got this silly lingering fear. They’re not really going to do anything horrific to me. Probably.

“There’s something about them doing wheelies in particular, almost as if they’re out of control and slightly feral. I’d be fine if they wore bicycle clips and did left and right hand signals like in cycling proficiency.

“I really must stop this ridiculous paranoid fantasy that they’re going to attack and I’ll never see my family and home again. Oh god. Here they come now. I’d better go.”

When asked if they intended to do Hobbs any harm, the BMX youngsters said, “Who?”