IT’S a cold, wet Tuesday under lockdown with Britain in crisis. But if you need other reasons to hit the drink tonight, try these:
That’s right. You’re a grown-up, so if you want to knock back 12 cans of Strongbow and pass out on the couch that’s up to you. Make sure it doesn’t become a habit or that couch could turn into a park bench and that Strongbow could turn into, well, it’d still be Strongbow but either way.
It’s nearly the weekend
If Thursday is the new Friday then Wednesday is the new Thursday so Tuesday is kind of the new Saturday night. That makes sense, or it will after a few drinks.
The economy needs stimulating
Nobody’s going out and spending enough. If you don’t act, the economy will collapse. It’s your solemn responsibility to first stimulate the alcohol sector, then go shopping online.
You’ve been on time for work twice in a row
Looks like you’ll be a CEO soon, so celebrate while you’ve still got the free time. Let loose with a bottle of gin then arrive late and hungover before forgetting your password and throwing up in the disabled loo.
Can you really be drunk off eight cans of Stella?
Don’t go driving a car or operating any heavy machinery or anything but it’s only eight cans of a relatively weak lager. It just takes the edge off the week, that’s all.
It’ll be a laugh
Oh come on, don’t be so boring. It’ll be a laugh to get blind drunk with three days of the week left to go. Get out of your comfort zone.