FEW issues divide Britain more than daytime drinking. Some say there’s nothing better; others believe it’s the greatest thing ever. We examine both sides:
PRO: You’ve got the whole day ahead of you and it’s only going to get better
That sense of blazing optimism about how the afternoon is going to go is well-founded. Don’t listen to that miserable voice reminding you last time you were sick in the park at 4pm and a goose chased you. Quaff on!
PRO: You’ve got the pub practically to yourself
Most people are too hamstrung by caution to start drinking at noon on a weekday so the pub is your manor and you and your pals its jovial lords and ladies, with the staff swept along in your infectious enthusiasm for sinking gallons of wine while the sun shines.
PRO: Other poor mugs are working
They’re chained to laptops while you’re carefree as long as you go for a slash every 35 minutes. And to make it still better, you actually should be working yourself but what’s a bollocking from your boss while there are beers to be sunk?
PRO: England vs Scotland
A big fight with the Auld Enemy doesn’t come along that often, and if you drink six beers between 5.30pm and kick-off you’ll be spannered. A long, slow eight-hour approach allows you to cocoon yourself in amber alcoholic warmth, ready to stamp the bastards flat.
PRO: Great practice for old age
Once you’re in your 70s you’ll be taking a pre-elevenses sharpener daily to calm yourself after you’ve read and believed the Daily Express, so get in practice now.
PRO: It’s good for you
Unlike desperate, seedy late-night drinking in darkened homes, daytime drinking is sociable, convivial and perfectly safe. Serious boozers don’t order prosecco in an ice bucket, so you can get leathered and feel good about yourself. The prosecco will help.