Thursday, 29th October 2020

WHO confirms it's okay to piss in the garden after four drinks

THE World Health Organisation has advised men that as long as they have consumed a minimum of four alcoholic drinks they are fine to urinate in the garden.

The official guidelines mean that men who have consumed only three drinks are obliged to use a toilet, whilst those who previously thought the limit was six can now water the perennials whilst still able to stand.

A spokesman said: “The bottom line is: once you’re three cans in, let your lawn be your urinal.

“We felt it was necessary to issue clarification because many men were not draining the lizard until reaching a level of drunkenness far greater than necessary.

“Others were letting loose in the ornamental pond after just one G&T, which is lazy and unacceptable. Now we’ve put a set of standards in place there’s no excuse.

“The level for pissing in the kitchen sink remains unchanged at 12 drinks. Special dispensation can be given if you live in a flat.”

Heavy drinker Tom Booker said: “My apartment has a balcony, so technically I’m taking a leak on the downstairs neighbour’s garden furniture. What’s the rules about that?”