Annoying Star Wars character that will ruin it all confirmed as ‘Spunko Bo’

JJ ABRAMS has confirmed that the new unbearable Star Wars gimmick character is a jelly-like thing called Spunko Bo.

The director said: “Even more so than a shadowy looming villain, Star Wars films need a woefully ill-judged comic character or species that makes you want to put a fist through the screen.

“Spunko Bo is Jar Jar and the Ewoks to the power of ten – a big greedy blob of green jelly who talks about himself in the third person, saying ‘S-Bo want munch munch, yumble, munch munch’.

“He’s obsessed with food and his physical girth is the source of many lame gags. These sorts of characters have to be offensive to someone and this time we chose chunky people.”

Spunko’s characteristics include leaving a trail of green slime in his wake, which pursuing stormtroopers slip on in moments of unsuccessful slapstick humour.

Abrams added: “He makes fart noises too.”

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Heroic dog fights off potential boyfriend

A BRAVE dog has prevented its owner from talking to a possible romantic partner. 

Roy Hobbs, a Border Terrier, leapt to the defence of Donna Sheridan when it seemed she was about to be swept off her feet by the easygoing charm of Nathan Muir.

Moments after Sheridan and Muir met in a local park, Hobbs began barking furiously, drowning out Muir’s attempted chat-up line, before trying to bite him on the knee.

Hobbs said: “He was halfway through the word ‘coffee’ when I realised what he was up to. My instinct kicked in and I knew I had to protect Donna by killing him.

“He escaped, but I’m pretty confident he’ll never speak to her again, so I consider it a success.”

Sheridan said: “Roy is a devoted companion who will always protect me from new people, especially ones with great cheekbones and thick, wavy hair.”

Hobbs confirmed that in the past 24 hours he had protected Sheridan from two squirrels, a plastic bag, and a gust of wind in the garden at four o’clock in the morning.