Bake Off contestant wishing they were ‘Mad Halloween Woman’ or ‘Fringe Girl’

A CONTESTANT on The Great British Bake Off  is worried they are lacking a bizarre, but essential quirk.

The baker, who asked to remain anonymous, said: “None of the viewers know anyone’s name. They just point at the screen and refer to us as ‘fringe girl’, ‘the hipster’ or ‘the mad Halloween one’.

“In the cutthroat world of standing in a pastel-decorated tent while checking your oven timer, you’ve got to have one specific mad thing about you. Otherwise how will publishers know how to theme your inevitable cookbook?

“I look kind of young and funky, but it’s not enough.

“From next week I’m only wearing boots with cleft toes, and decorating everything with vampire penguins.”