Bez lands 50 Shades of Grey lead

MARACANIST Bez has won the role of Christian Grey in the forthcoming 50 Shades of Grey film.

The Mancunian beat Shia LaBeouf and porn star James Dean is to portray the tortured billionaire Christian Grey, who in the film adaptation will also be a gifted maraca player.

Bez said: “It’s gonna be fuckin’ sorted.”

Producer Tom Logan said: “Firstly, Grey is a deeply haunted character and Bez has that kind of look because he’s caned shitloads of pills.

“Also we loved the idea of Christian Grey being an artist, a master of the maracas, as well as a businessman. It kind of completes the picture – he’s a ruthless alpha male, but he’s also in touch with his artistic side.

“Anastasia Steele is irresistibly drawn to Christian/Bez’s percussion ability. The maracas have a kind of sexual, primal rhythm she cannot resist.”

The studio loved Bez so much they have agreed he can turn up on set whatever time of day he likes, and have given Shaun Ryder the role of Ana’s flatmate Katherine.

50 Shades fan Emma Bradford said: “Bez is every woman’s fantasy.

“However I’m not sure his I’d like to go back to his house, I imagine his playroom would be littered with ashtrays and empty Nurishment cans.”



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