TONIGHT’S Brit Awards will end all arguments about music by definitively establishing what is worth listening to.
The awards, impartially decided regardless of any commercial considerations, are designed to stop a confused public wasting their time on music which is objectively bad.
Mary Fisher of Swansea said: “It’s useful because right now I keep hearing that Sam Smith is great but can’t help feeling that he’s the class telltale with the aged face of Boy George where a young man’s face should be.
“I know he’s been good in America for the last fortnight, since he won the Grammys, but is he any good over here? Thankfully by tomorrow I’ll know for sure.”
Brits judge Norman Steele said: “When you look at our record of rewarding excellence – Duffy, The Darkness, Fairground Attraction and the stellar subsequent solo career of Eddi Reader – it’s plain to see that we’ve never got it wrong.
“Remember, if you find that you have non-Brits approved music in your home, please dispose of it safely.”