Burchill slams Chorlton and the Wheelies

COLUMNIST Julie Burchill has launched an astonishing broadside against 1970s children’s programme Chorlton and the Wheelies.

Writing in The Observer, Burchill described the Wheelies as “pathetic little toadies”, while Chorlton the Happiness Dragon was “a sinister patriarchal figure, like Hitler crossed with Jimmy Savile”.

The article went on to accuse Fenella the Kettle Witch of being “a cross-dressing woman-hater” while the Toadies, her mushroom henchmen, “would probably be working in a concentration camp if they didn’t live in Wheelie Land.”

The 800-word article made numerous other criticisms of the programme, with King Otto, the ruler of Wheelie Land, described as “an absurd parody of a potato with a vomit-inducing sense of entitlement”.

The Observer’s website was swamped with comments from readers, who variously described the piece as “deeply offensive”, “a manifesto for wheelie-haters” and “a beacon of reason in an increasingly wheeled world”.

A spokesman for the newspaper said: “Julie has never been afraid to address controversial issues, whether it is gender politics, the Arab-Israeli conflict or what a bastard Tony Parsons is.

“On the other hand, maybe she’s been writing contrived, provocative articles for so long she’s simply run out of things to pretend to be outraged by.”

Burchill’s outspoken views have provoked outrage on numerous occasions, as with her 2010 New Statesman article, ‘Why Dangermouse is an anti-Semite’.

 

 

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'Sex at work' actually masturbation

ALMOST all reported ‘workplace sex’ occurs solo, it has emerged.

Researchers at Roehampton University found that most surveys of supposed office-based sex failed to specify whether the act involved a partner.

Dr Roy Hobbs said: “If as many people were having sex in offices as is commonly reported, the entire workforce would be exhausted, sweaty and happy. And clearly they’re not happy.”

Dr Hobbs found that the ‘sex at work’ phenomenon was due entirely to blatant liars like pallid data inputter Tom Logan who said: “It really annoys me that I can’t get on with my work because I’m so busy porking all the hotties in the office.

“Frankly I feel guilty about being paid to do computer stuff when I’m actually getting noshed off by the stern MILF office manager Helen, while other fantasy stereotype women stand around kissing each other as they await my attentions.

“They need to put bromide in the drinks machine or something.”

Office manager Nikki Hollis said: “I’m certain that workplace sexual activity is limited to pathetic acts of self-abuse in toilet cubicles.

“Except, of course, for the time I had a lesbian orgy in the HR office.”