Bush Gives Blair Lead Role In Jug Band

TONY Blair and George Bush are set to invade the music charts after forming a hillbilly jug band.

With Blair leaving Number 10 and Bush just 18 months away from exiting the White House, both men have been keen to continue their hugely successful partnership.

After talks in Washington and London they agreed to form G&T's Hillbilly Stompers, a six-piece band centred around the umistakeable tones of the moonshine jug.

After recording sessions in Nashville, Atlanta and Darlington, their debut album Fists of God is due in the shops next week.

It features tracks including Ma Momma Don't Like Arabs, The Lord Made Me a Liar and God is a Three Gallon Jug.

Blair plays lead jug, while Bush handles rhythm jug and vocals. The President is also responsible for most of the jaunty, hate-filled lyrics.

A world tour is expected to kick-off early next year with a concert at One Eyed Leroy's Brunch & Gas in Oak Hill, West Virginia.

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Rosa Klebb Wins Labour Deputy Contest

SMERSH assassin Rosa Klebb is the new deputy leader of the Labour Party after a closely fought contest in which she killed all of her rivals.

Klebb's victory confounded the pundits who had written her off after she had threatened to poison anyone who got in the way of her mission.

The 56 year-old Camberwell MP promised to bring a new approach to politics and said she was looking forward to strangling Peter Hain while he slept.

Klebb has been described as a moderniser, a feminist and one of the most ruthless and efficient killing machines in Europe.

Her trademark 'knife-shoes' brought a splash of colour to an otherwise humdrum campaign.

She said she was honoured to serve alongside Gordon Brown adding: "The right leadership team for the Labour Party was one that encompassed the north and south, that was the balanced team of a man and woman working together and that included a brooding sociopath and a trained killer."


  • Age: 56

  • Family: Married, three children

  • School: St Paul's Girls School, London

  • University: The East Berlin Technical Institute for Killing People

  • Political hero: Ernst Stavro Blofeld

  • Good night out/in: Getting together with the family and/or killing people

  • Hobbies: Cooking, family get-togethers, killing people

  • Favourite book: We Need to Talk About Kevin, by Lionel Shriver

  • Best thing on TV: Cash in the Attic, River Cottage

  • Bad habits: Using too much piano wire