'Comic book universe' takes about two hours to create

A COMPLETE ‘comic book universe’ that can be made into graphic novels and films takes about two hours to create, it has emerged.

Speaking at Comic-Con, former office worker Tom Logan told a packed auditorium how he wrote the smash hit graphic novel Universe Team in less than 100 minutes.

He said: “When I sat down I didn’t think I had any ideas. Then my Biro started to move as if by magic, writing the character names Mutant X, Lady Evil, and Doctor Robotic.

“I was amazed at what was springing, almost magically, from the dark recesses of my mind.

“But who could these characters be? I began developing their traits based on their names, for example Doctor Robotic is a very clever machine-man.

“The process was amazingly effortless, almost literally without effort. Then I rang up a comics company and read out what I’d written, they immediately bought the rights.”

Logan described the speedily-constructed world of Universe Team: “The Universe-verse is similar to our own universe, with the key differences being that there are superheroes and it’s more rainy.

“What’s even more impressive is that they’ve all got their own backstories. Like The Splurge, who was a brilliant scientist, until an experiment went wrong and now he’s made of liquid flesh.

“Because he’s all gooey, the only woman who can love him is a blind girl with no sense of touch.”

Logan has been paid a seven-figure sum to script a Hollywood film adaptation of Universe Team, which he plans to do on Sunday before the rugby starts.

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Dolphins slag each other off

DOLPHINS have been observed displaying two-faced behaviour.

Researchers studying dolphins’ advanced speech patterns found the mammals are very nice to each other until one of the group swims off.

Professor Henry Brubaker decoded the dolphin’s clicking sounds: “When they’re together in a pod, dolphins are all complimenting one another, like ‘Loving your fins’, or ‘Your blowhole is really well-positioned’.

“But as soon one of the group leaves, they’re putting the boot into them, saying how they fucked a manatee or they’ve got a fat tail.

“Behind that creepy fixed smile the species has absolutely no integrity. They’re just dreadful.”

Dolphin Nikki Hollis said: “The ocean’s a really bitchy place, especially if you’re a young attractive female dolphin.

“Whatever you’ve heard about me and a sea cow is so not true.

“One of the other females said that but only because she is a hot mess who has sex outside of breeding season.”

As other female members of the pod arrived, Hollis was heard greeting them with a series of fake, exaggerated whistling sounds.