EUROZONE nations are using this year’s international song contest to ask for financial help to a thumping hi-NRG disco beat.
This year’s competition, to be held in Azerbaijan, will see Eurozone entrants replacing the usual vague sentiments about international brotherhood and living as one family with specific economic requests.
France’s entry Veuillez ne pas Déclasser Notre Ratings-Credit is a camp, upbeat disco-pop number about begging a regulatory body not to slash your credit rating due to short-sighted fiscal policy.
Meanwhile Greece’s offering, My Precious One I’ve Borrowed Too Much, is a poignant power ballad telling the story of a handsome fisherman asking a mermaid to write off a substantial debt.
Britain’s entry is yet to be decided but sources claim competition favourite H from Steps and 14 backing dancers have been attending night classes at the London School of Economics.
Economist Emma Bradford said: “These are powerful sentiments, sure to be expressed with all the sincerity that someone who doesn’t speak the language they’re singing and looks like a mid-priced prostitute can muster.
She added: “With nations teetering on the brink of anarchy, Eurovision’s wafer-thin vision of harmony is suddenly relevant again.
“There is no Plan B. He has other commitments.”