Fast & Furious 6 ‘totally homosexual’

FAST & Furious 6 is aimed exclusively at a gay audience, its makers have revealed.

Although the movie features car chases and incredible stunts, there are no female characters and it contains large amounts of explicit gay sex.

Director Justin Lin said: “We decided it was time for a new direction, because the last thing we wanted was for the Fast & Furious movies to become formulaic and repetitive.

“So in this installment the characters attempt to take down a mercenary organisation with its HQ in a leather bar called Teddybears’ Picnic. The Rock, Vin Diesel and Paul Walker have to kiss each other with tongues to gain entry but afterwards realise they liked it.

“We’ve seamlessly interwoven the action and all-male love scenes, so it’s impossible to watch the high-octane chases without also seeing men kissing, fondling each other in the shower and enjoying post-coital cuddles.

“Paul Walker smashes a car through the nose cone of an exploding plane while getting a hand job off The Rock, which is both thrilling and incredibly arousing.

“In an earlier draft of the script we did have some lesbian scenes, but we decided they detracted from the film’s core theme of male homosexuality.”

Fast and Furious fan and test audience member Tom Logan said: “Based on previous instalments, I expect to have a boner throughout the entire movie.

“And weirdly, I did. Now I’m going to take down all the Maxim posters on my bedroom wall and redecorate tastefully.”

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My boss thinks he is entitled to order me around

Dear Holly,

I’m fed up of being told what to do every day. My boss seems to think he is entitled to order me around all the time. I feel like confronting him and saying “Hey! You’re not the boss of me!”, but I lack confidence. What should I do?



Dear Ian,

If your boss told you to jump off a cliff would you do it? If you were a professional bungee jumper you probably would, but it sounds like this man is just a bully and you need to get your big sister to beat him up after work. Find out his route home and get her to ambush him under a bridge. Plus you might also want to ask your mum to stop making you wear trainers from ASDA and posting raunchy pictures of herself on Facebook: there’s no need to add fuel to the fire.

Hope that helps,