Game of Thrones to reach its climax in 2468

CURRENT fans of TV fantasy epic Game of Thrones will die several hundred years before it concludes.

The series has so many plots, locations and gratuitous sex scenes that it is progressing at a fraction of the speed of real life, and will not conclude for over four centuries.

Fan Tom Booker said: “I was a childless bachelor when it began. Now I’m married and a father with another one on the way, and Sansa Stark is still mooning around King’s Landing in a green dress.

“I hope the intelligent cockroaches that will have replaced man as the Earth’s dominant species by the time it finishes will watch and find out who will finally sits on the Iron Throne.”

Father-of-three Julian Cook said: “It was all tits and swords at the start, but now I realise I’ve been conned into watching The Forsyte Saga with dragons.”

Author George RR Martin, who bought Tolkien’s middle initials for $6.8 million at a literary auction, said: “The peasants who fought in the Hundred Years War never knew how it ended. Nor will the fans of Game of Thrones.

“I haven’t even finished the books yet. The plan is that I’m going to get and far as I can until I am on the verge of death.

“Then my brain will be removed and cryogenically frozen until the technology exists to install it into a bearded robot body.”

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The Smiths release banging club anthem

THE Smiths have recorded an uplifting commercial dance anthem to mark their 30th anniversary.

Morrissey and Johnny Marr reconciled to pen Party Vibe (Uh Yeah) which features chunky beats, catchy vocals and massive snare rolls to make clubbers come up on their pills.

Morrissey said: “I’m just really into what’s going on in modern music, with all these great producers like Will I Am and exciting artists such as Pitbull and Jennifer Lopez.

“I just can’t wait to hear our tune in a massive Ibiza club where everyone is going mental. My favourite DJ is Fatboy Slim so I really hope he likes it.

“I’m also into David Guetta because his tunes are funky and he has amazing hair. I wish I could be a superstar DJ like him but I don’t have that level of talent.”

He added: “Fans know us best for delicate, mournful songs about loneliness set against a gritty Northern backdrop. That was all good back in the 80s but now we want to be the new D:Ream.

“We just want everyone to dance, smile and have loads of money. The Smiths is all about being cool and having an enviable lifestyle with sports cars and a sexy, confident peer group.”

The sleeve art for Party Vibe (Uh Yeah) features a picture of Morrissey and Johnny Marr in a Ferrari with the license plate SMITHS1 and the cast of Made in Chelsea dancing on the bonnet.