GILLIAN Anderson’s portrayal of a depressed alcoholic in Channel 4 drama Trespasses has confirmed she chooses roles to challenge her fans’ masturbatory boundaries.
While critics claim she is making bold, principled decisions to play unglamorous yet emotionally rich characters, Anderson herself admits she is testing how far she can go before men and women stop unzipping within moments of her appearing on screen.
Anderson said: “Trespasses is an unflinching depiction of the horrors of the Troubles. I’m smashed, in a cardigan, with a Northern Irish accent. Get off to that.
“What will it take for you to stop scrabbling at your filthy genitalia when you see my name in the credits? I’ve been coated in cobwebs as Miss Havisham and togged up as both Eleanor Roosevelt and Wallis Simpson. All just variety night in your spank bank, wasn’t it?
“Even playing that duplicitous Salt Path hobo got me letters from guys fantasising about being a ‘kindly’ B&B owner along the route. I’d play Bruce Forsyth as Satan but I know you’d only see it as me throwing down the gauntlet.
“After all, Thatcher didn’t put you off. And a consistent record of self-abuse is the measure for gaining entry to my official fan club.”
Fan Martin Bishop said: “I didn’t like that book she wrote about wanking. I felt that was pandering and exploitative.”
