Have you got the f**k over Harry Potter yet?

IT’S more than 10 years since the Harry Potter series finished, but some of its readers are still incapable of letting go and growing the fuck up. 

Are you one of them? Take our quiz to find out:

The seven Harry Potter books are:

A) Great for kids but you wouldn’t read them now, they’re unlikely to hold up

B) The foundation stone around which you have built your entire life

When you met your spouse, your first question was:

A) Does this person share my ambitions, my hopes, and my values?

B) Is this person Ravenclaw like I am or are they secretly Slytherin?

JK Rowling’s novel The Casual Vacancy was:

A) A decent stab at a modern version of the classic 19th-century social novel that unfortunately exposed the limitations of her prose

B) Not Harry Potter

When Fantastic Beasts 3 is released, will you:

A) Catch it when it comes to DVD, after all the first two weren’t anything special

B) Queue up for a midnight showing costumed as Luna Lovegood looking daggers at any kids who are there, because they’re nothing but bandwagon-jumpers

Whatever people say, the Harry Potter series awakened in you a passion for:

A) Reading

B) Reading Harry Potter

When a new two-part Harry Potter play came to the West End, which is essentially JK Rowling’s admission that she will milk you for as much cash as she can get for life, did  you:

A) Agree that if people want to see it that’s fine, but you personally would prefer to see Christopher Eccleston’s Macbeth at Stratford

B) Spend £350 on two tickets then weep about how wonderful it was while refusing to divulge any details because you swore on Merlin’s beard your lips were sealed

You secretly believe that Harry Potter’s world is:

A) More than slightly derivative of the work of other authors, especially Eva Ibbotson, but why spoil kids’ fun?

B) Real


Mostly A’s: Congratulations. You grew the fuck up.

Mostly B’s: You’re a Harry Potter lifer, dedicated beyond all reason to wizard stories that came out when you were aged six to 16 and which have consumed all hope of you becoming an adult. To put it in terms you can understand, it’s a Dementor that has eaten your soul. No, don’t start going on about Dementors again.

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Harry and Meghan to follow wedding ceremony with massive Waitrose shop

PRINCE Harry and Meghan Markle are to follow their May 19th wedding with a big shop at the Windsor branch of Waitrose.

The couple will go by carriage from the ceremony, at the 15th-century St George’s Chapel, to the store’s site at King Edward Court where they will disembark, get a trolley, and enter.

They are then expected to go through the fresh section, where they will choose numerous items in line with their public commitment to healthy living, before loading the trolley with ready meals and luxury puddings for the first week of their married life.

Royal correspondent Denys Finch Hatton said: “This really shows how dedicated they are to living their lives like ordinary people. But not too ordinary. Ordinary but better.

“The Royal couple are positioning themselves as aspirational but accessible, as long as you’re in the south or one of the smarter parts of Yorkshire, and saying it’s okay to buy supermarket own-brands as long as it’s the right supermarket.

“William and Kate get their shop delivered from M&S, of course, but he is heir to the throne. That comes with responsibilities.”

Following the wedding, Meghan is expected to trigger the couple’s first official marital row when she says she does not understand why it is any better than Sainsbury’s.