93 percent of adults still slightly afraid of the toilet monster

ALMOST every adult is still a little bit afraid the toilet monster might be real, it has been confirmed.

The Institute for Studies found that 93 percent of adults feel a moment of anticipation that the monster will rise from the lavatory and drag them down into its underworld kingdom.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “While all of our subjects had different ideas about what the toilet monster looks like, and what he’ll do to you once he gets you, everybody agreed that the monster presents an immediate danger to their lives.”

Tom Booker, a participant in the study, said: “He only appears at night, and flushing wakes him.

“You have until the toilet stops flushing to be safely back in bed, or you’re toast. You have to run as fast as you can, which is even harder when the floor is lava.

“Forget about washing your hands. There is no time.”

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Young London couple build dream home out of avocado

A COUPLE have finally acquired their dream home by hollowing out an avocado and living inside it.

Eleanor Shaw and Tom Logan had despaired of getting on the property ladder in London, and found themselves contemplating either suicide or moving to Kent.

But the twenty-something pair realised that they could combine their dream of owning property with their ironclad commitment to brunch by simply turning avocados into a cosy, eco-friendly living space.

Shaw, a freelance designer, said: “Tom had this brilliant idea, which he unfortunately insists on calling a life hack, that the skin of an avocado is durable and waterproof, and relatively spacious, for London.”

Logan, a PR executive, said: “There’s not much room for furniture, but we can’t afford it anyway, because my travelcard costs £220 a month and Ellie is usually paid in ‘exposure.’

“We’re thinking of trying for a baby, but we’d probably have to get a second avocado.

“The important thing is, we’re not in Kent.”