House of Pain's Everlast hoping he'll get that much attention when he dies

AMERICAN rapper Everlast, impressed with the tributes given to Beastie Boy Adam Yauch, has been obsessing about how much press he’ll get when he passes on.

Best known for House of Pains 1992 hit Jump Around, Everlast has spent the last week watching and reading eulogies to the late MCA while thinking about his own possible demise.

Everlast said: Its like, wow, who knew that so many people loved the Beasties when they hadnt exactly been making a big splash recently? I guess white hip hops more important culturally than I realised.

They hadnt had a top ten hit since 1986. Jump Around was six years later and it charted at number three, so thats way more significant.

Plus we had that whole Irish thing going on, and Irish guys are majorly sentimental. Man, dudes are gonna weep when I check out.

Everlast also reminded anyone he spoke to that his solo album, Whitey Ford Sings The Blues, boldly combined rap with acoustic guitars and lead single What Its Like would ‘sound fucking awesome blasting through big speakers at my funeral’.

He said: I mean that shit is soulful, you know? And its proof that I could step up on my own, as opposed to those MCs who only really succeed as part of a crew.

Nobody even knows DJ Lethal or Danny Boy from House of Pain and I think youd say Ad-Rock was the lead in the Beasties. So conceivably it could even be bigger than this MCA deal when I go. Man.

Everlast was last heard telling his wife about the significant, possibly terminal, damage to his lungs and liver caused by too much partying back in the day, and ‘the motherfucking shin splints I got from always jumping around’.

Consider subscribing - so we can write more funny content. .js-article{ display:none;}

Queen's Speech delivered with heavy sarcasm

HER Majesty Queen Elizabeth II delivered her speech to Parliament while rolling her eyes and sighing theatrically.

The monarch, whose annual speech sets the governments agenda for the coming year, began in a facetious sing-song laying particular bored emphasis on the repeated phrase ‘my Government’.

Conservative MPs claim promises to introduce legislation were gabbled through so quickly they were unintelligible, and when motioned by the Speaker of the House the Queen slowed her speech to a robotic monotone.

Heaviest sarcasm was reserved for the passages about new measures to help families, where in response to black looks from the chancellor the Queen affected an artificially bright and cheerful tone while grimacing.

Foreign secretary William Hague said: She clearly didnt mean a word of what she was saying, even before she muttered and that was the headline of tomorrow’s Daily Mail, at the end.

But it hasnt changed my absolute, unstinting support for the Royal Family, God preserve and keep them.

Shadow chancellor Ed Balls said: I did like the bit where she pretended the stuff about competition legislation had bored her to sleep, letting her head fall sideways until her crown nearly fell off.

“That was funny, although far from ideal.”

Following the speech, Queen Elizabeth was returned to Buckingham Palace by carriage, waving and flicking the traditional just-out-of-sight V-signs at her adoring public.

Next story ›