SINGER Morrissey is refusing to come back to Britain because the country's immigrant population smile too much.
The former Smiths' frontman said the miserable country of his youth now looked like an African wedding, full of vibrant people in brightly coloured clothes wiggling their bottoms erotically.
"Maybe it’s because their faces are so black but they all seem to have these big white grins all the time," he said.
Morrissey added: "Generally speaking, I like to write songs about people killing themselves because they're simply too English to go on living.
"It's doesn’t sound like much fun, but it has allowed me the opportunity to buy houses in foreign countries.”
Morrisey said he only came back to Britain to “refuel his grimness” and had expected to find the country filled with depressed immigrants forced into lives of relentless poverty by the international meat industry.
"They should be begging me to write a wry and haunting song about their miserable lives, but instead they just smile and wave at me and tell me to cheer up."
The widely-travelled superstar stressed that he liked Germany because it had retained its culture and its trains were incredibly punctual, and Sweden because everyone wanted to commit suicide.