SIX HUNDRED year-old Tatooine crime lord Jabba The Hutt is to replace Dannii Minogue on the X Factor judging panel, it has been confirmed.
ITV welcomed the new addition and revealed that acts which displease him will either be eaten immediately in a single mouthful or hurled screaming into the brand new Sarlacc Pit which will be installed beneath the stage.
The Hutt said: “I am most grateful to the human Cowell. The search for new talent is a pleasing recreation.
“Perhaps we shall be making someone’s dream a reality. Perhaps not. In any case, I shall feed.”
He added: “Bring me Solo and the wookie.
“Not really, I just like saying that.”
The amphibious blob of fecal matter is believed to have signed to the series for a seven-figure package including two dozen slave girls, a big jar full of eels and the head of Lando Calrissian.
A spokesman said: “Naturally we’re excited to have a star whose notoriety extends as far as Mylok IV, homeworld of the Nharwaak.
“Jabba’s natural sadism and air of cruel insouciance make him perfectly suited to the role. Audiences can look forward to him coming down especially hard on mediocre street dance collectives and anyone who looks like they might jettison their cargo at the first sign of trouble.
“Also, his physique makes him a perfect role model for larger viewers, proving that having a vast, bloated, immobile frame that constantly exudes a pungent mucus is no barrier to a successful career on ITV.
“Just like Fern Britton.”