THE producers of I’m A Celebrity believe in second chances. And massive ratings. After creepy Matt Hancock, here are some other stand-up guys from history they’d book in a heartbeat.
Jack the Ripper
The Victorian coppers never proved he did it. And even if he did, wouldn’t it be funny to see him shrieking with cockroaches all over his cape? He’d be in his element with dismembered body parts – and probably keen to make some more. Watch your back, Chris Moyles!
The whole ‘betrayal of the son of God’ thing was a mistake, Judas knows that now. He’s taken a couple of thousand years to work on himself, and those days of toxic friendship groups with Romans are gone. Just look at the bromance he’s built with Mike Tindall and Boy George.
Vlad the Impaler
Vlad’s subjects may have feared his sadistic torture and execution methods, but a stomach for gore is just the thing needed for the most yucky Bushtucker trials.
The tabloids would eat up no-nonsense Henry who tells it likes it is, and has no time for woke nonsense like not decapitating your wife just because you don’t like her. There’d be a two-page spread on his ‘incredible jungle weight loss journey’ and hunky new slimmed-down look before you could say ‘excommunication’.
Brutal mobster, or a workaholic who let things get a bit out of hand? Al would put his racketeering skills to good use taking Kiosk Kev’s Dingo Dollars as protection money and breaking all his limbs if he objected, thus becoming the hero of his team in no time.
The flea that spread the Black Death
The flea’s fireside chats would give it chance to explain it had no idea of the consequences of its actions. It would have never done anything deliberately irresponsible such as – to pick an entirely random example – sending infected patients back to their care homes. It’s a plague-carrying pest that killed millions, not a Tory minister.