Mickey Mouse warns terrorists not to underestimate his power

MICKEY Mouse has delivered a stark warning to terrorists, following the arrest of a gunman at the Magic Kingdom.

The anthropomorphic rodent made the statement from behind his Presidential podium, flanked by two Imperial Stormtroopers.

He said: “Be under no illusion, any invasion of any realm of my empire will be met with a kick up the arse so hard it would wake Osama Bin Laden from his CIA cloning chamber.

“We are Disney, we are legion. Do not underestimate our power, and do not think for one moment that a cryogenically frozen Uncle Walt is the only thing that we have hidden under the Pirate Ship.”

Mickey then lit the fuse on a comically large cannon, launching the arrested gunman high into the air over the Dream Castle to the delight of thousands of children.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Save tiny amount of money by doing stuff that's a massive pain in the arse, says consumer expert

UK CONSUMERS could save £15.68 a year if they went to hugely time-consuming lengths to do so, it has been claimed.

According to consumer advice blogger Nathan Muir, simply changing trains six times in a one-hour journey or posting back half-empty refill packs of washing liquid can save pennies at a time. 

He said: “Buy 24 jars of Carte Noire at once and not only can you claim three free jars, you get 4,800 Nectar points for an overall saving of £5.80 over two years. You’d be a fool not to.

“And, instead of flying from costly Heathrow, an overnight National Express coach to Newcastle airport and a shuttle flight to Dublin saves you £8.88 per flight to Boston. 

“If you’re running a small business, can you afford not to do that? You can guarantee your competitors will be.”

Muir also advises switching energy supplier every six months, switching credit card every six weeks and buying a new SIM card for every phone call which could net a saving of £1.22 over a decade.