PEOPLE with Mini Coopers are even worse than you had assumed, it has emerged.
New research revealed that 86 per cent of Britons immediately ’take against’ drivers of the fancy fucking sports hatchback, which experts say is not actually unfair.
Car analyst Mary Fisher said: “Generally it is bad to judge people but in the case of Mini Cooper drivers it is fine.
“Just look at the thing. It isn’t right or good.
“Mini Cooper drivers fall into three basic categories – jumped up little bastards making their mark in the property industry, leathery businesswomen who think they have sexual charisma and spoiled rich girls with weird flirty dad relationships.”
54-year-old Mini Cooper S driver Helen Archer said: “When I’m in my snazzy hatchback, driving around Cotswolds market towns with my Dior shades on and the confidence that comes from reasonably effective chin lift surgery, I know that I could have any man I want. Any man.”