Nan seduced by fake camaraderie of Strictly

AN 84-YEAR-OLD grandmother thinks everyone on Strictly Come Dancing actually likes each other.

Nan Mary Fisher is somehow unable to see through the cloying fakeness that permeates the BBC dancing programme, despite family members pointing out the numerous fixed grins and death stares.

Fisher said: “That Tess seems nice, and I bet her and Claudia are best friends in real life.

“The judges all seem happy and easygoing. There’s no way any of them would be insecure or demanding.

“That pretty young dancer girl was genuinely excited when she got Ed Balls. Perhaps she thought he was a good shadow chancellor.”

Fisher’s daughter Carol said: “Strictly creeps me out, it’s like the worst sort of joyless fake fun.

“Nan loves it though, which is weird because there are several foreigners in it.”

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34-year-old skateboarder wows high street

A GROWN man has wowed onlookers by skateboarding down a high street and doing some sort of flip that didn’t come off.

Wayne Hayes, who has skated for the last 19 years, took to Stevenage city centre to show off his skills in the hope a beautiful woman would fall madly in love with him, or at least offer him no-strings sex.

Hayes said: “I think when women get a bit older they are looking for a guy who is into unpaid street sports and wears shorts all year round.

“Local police are routinely telling me to use the council skate facilities in the park, I nod politely but I don’t listen. I think deep down they respect me for that.”

Shop assistant Nikki Hollis said: “God, he really messed up that flip thing he was trying, and he was totally humourless about it.

“Which means he’s not a good skateboarder and he’s a bit of a knobhead too. Every girl’s dream.”