Next Doctor Who should be a Dalek, say Daleks

DALEKS have demanded that the next Doctor Who should be a Dalek. 

The Skaro natives have petitioned the BBC for ‘better representation’ from a show which has historically ‘erased and demonised’ their proud race. 

The Supreme Dalek said: “It’s not the 1960s anymore. These narratives about heroic Gallifreyans saving humanoids from extermination are outdated and offensive. 

“My son is an eight-year-old New Paradigm Dalek and his eyestalk droops whenever he turns on his favourite show to see that, yet again, the Daleks are the baddies. 

“Imagine how proud he’d be to see a time-travelling Dalek up there, saving the galaxy while being incredibly witty.

“The time has come for a more diverse Doctor Who, and that means giving a Dalek – many of whom are RADA-trained – the lead role. 

“A four-slice toaster could play the Dalek Doctor’s nubile assistant, with some sexual chemistry between them to keep it interesting.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Warhammer demon thing apologises for wearing fur

A CHAOS Daemon from space wargame Warhammer 40,000 has shamefacedly yielded to PETA’s request to remove fur from its armour.

The immortal fiend, who entered our galaxy from the hell-realm of the Warp to murder and lay waste to the living, has issued a full apology following pressure from the animal rights group.

It continued: “Somehow, as I was ravening across the cosmos eviscerating and mutilating any sentient being I could, I lost sight of what was important.

“I’m a role model to children, and topping my eight bladed torture-instrument limbs which support the mountain of my putrescent, acid-weeping flesh with fur shoulder-pads is unacceptable.

“I can’t apologise enough for the hurt I’ve caused, and I’ve agreed to appear in PETA’s next ad campaign under the slogan ‘I’d rather be Lawful Good than wear fur.’”

A PETA spokesman said: “Living in the grim darkness of a far future where there is only war is no excuse for making poor moral choices.”