No, Grim Reaper told

DEATH has been told it is not allowed to take Sir Terry Pratchett until an investigation is held. 

Following the passing of the author, the final ferryman has been suspended and will be held to account by an independent body before making any further decisions that are patently wrong.

Deathologist Roy Hobbs said: “Any rational person would agree that only after the publication of another 30 Discworld books, at least two of them starring Rincewind, would it have been correct for Terry to die.

“And for this to happen only two years after the death of Iain M Banks, leaving a number of massive Culture novels unwritten, smacks of incompetence.

“At this point the Grim Reaper looks less like an implacable, unanswerable end and more like a haphazard dick on roller skates swinging his scythe about like a fat kid at a piñata.”


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BBC has to explain what ‘fracas’ means

BRITAIN is now the sort of place where it is necessary to explain to adults what ‘fracas’ means, it has been confirmed.

As the BBC website defined the term, experts said the ignorance of the word ‘fracas’ could, in some way, be connected to the popularity of Jeremy Clarkson.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “I suppose there’s some consolation in the BBC using the word in the first place. Not everyone who works there is a fucknut. That is good.

“But we also have to accept that Top Gear, Clarkson and, shall we say, ‘fracas confusion’ are where we are now, intellectually.

“At best.”

According to the BBC website, ‘fracas’ is a French term, but originates from the Icelandic word vraaken, which means ‘to bury someone alive in volcanic sand’.

Jane Thompson, from Stevenage, said: “No, a fracas is type of wicker shopping basket. I brought one back from the Dordogne last year. Everyone thinks it’s wonderful.”